Not yet and something better...

Wedding season is upon me again...lots of friends have been taking the plunge into wedded bliss in the last few years and as I attend showers, rehearsals and the big day itself, I have had to stop and think about all of the pomp and circumstance that goes into make "the day" one to remember.

One conversation with a friend about the proper location for her reception had me saying, "In twenty years, do you really think your guests are going to remember if the outside of the facility was a little messy?" Another friend's aunt insisted that there had to be SOME biblical reference to having wedding cake, which my friend does not want at her reception. Yet someone else was asking for my opinion on the bows that go on the back of the chairs in the hall...

In my nearly 32 years on this earth, I have to say that my views on marriage and "the big day" have DRASTICALLY changed. 10-15 years ago, I probably would have told you that if I didn't have peach roses (my favorite flowers are now pink Gerber daisies), purple bridesmaids dresses (not so much into purple anymore), a certain song for the lighting of the unity candle (that has definitely changed) and a dozen other "MUST HAVES," my day would have been a complete wash out. Now...I can tell you that the perfect wedding day for me includes a ceremony where God is at the center. Period. Don't care about the cake serving set. (I don't even care if I have one...) The groomsmen all having matching shoes? Don't care. What if the flowers aren't the exact shade I expected them to be? Oh well.

I've learned so much over the past three-ish years that what I used to value just doesn't matter. This is not to say that I don't dream of my hopefully-one-day-wedding to be something that everyone leaves saying, "That was the most incredible wedding ceremony that I've ever attended..." but it's not for the reasons that you might think. I don't need all the glitz and the glamour. I don't want to have someone spend thousands of dollars on details that won't matter 5 minutes after they take place. What I dream about is standing across from the person who pushes me to become a better person and deepen my relationship with Christ. What I hope for is someone that I can grow in faith and in love with over the course of the rest of my life. I know that I do not need a husband to feel completed in this lifetime, but I also know that God's design for a man and a woman is to join together as one with the ultimate focus to be on Him. When people leave OUR wedding, (OUR=God+bride+groom) I want them to have NO doubt as to what is really and truly important in OUR lives.

This is not to say that I'm on a man hunt to find the perfect Godly man to marry. I have come to learn that the reason why I am still single is that God had more work to do in my life and in my heart so that I could live out His design to the fullest extent. Sure, I could have gotten married ten years ago when I got out of college....but I can pretty much guarantee that that marriage would not be in existence any longer and there would be a lot of hurt and pain associated with the relationship. The person that I was dating and I are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum now when it comes to EVERYTHING. I thank God that we did not get married. At the time, I felt like my world was ending when we broke up, but now I know that is was the best possible thing that could have happened. I have since learned the beauty that God intended marriage to be and He knows that I want nothing short of His absolute best...which, of course, is also what He wants for me.

So, for the first time in my life, I can say that I am content in being single. I have been and will continue to learn more and more about God and myself through my continued walk with Christ. I know that whatever is in store for me and my future is better than I could ever imagine and while I'm waiting, I'm not going to sit around and do just that. I'm going to live. I'm going to worship. I'm going to thrive in the gift of this life that I have been given and I'm going to try and enjoy every minute.

Someone once told me that God has three answers to our prayers....yes, not yet, and I have something better in mind. I'm more grateful that I can express in words that God's answer to a lot of my prayers has been the later two.

Eye Twitching and Arrogance

So I ran across this book when purchasing another one online and it came in the mail the other day. It's called, "Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God" by Francis Chan. I never heard of it, but the cover looked cool. (Dumb, I know...)

I started reading it last week and it's absolutely blowing my brain out of my head, convicting my heart and making me realize there is so much more that I need tremendous work on in my life. It's pretty incredible how God will flash something or someone in front of you to teach you something that you need to know. (I just wonder how many times I've missed those opportunities in the past?)

So far, the thing that has stuck out for me while reading the chapter titled, "You Might Not Finish this Chapter," (yeah....the author does not apologize for stepping on toes AT ALL...which is exactly what I need...) was about worry and stress. Now, this being the end of the school year, (there are 18 days left and I AM counting) I have been feeling somewhat stressed out by the behaviors of some of my students....to the point where my left eyelid has started twitching. A lot. All day long. So reading this chapter that I was warned I may not finish has had perfect timing for me. Chan basically says, "...these...behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional. Both worry and trust reek of arrogance...I am still dumb enough to forget that life is all about God and not about me at all."

SHAZAMM! There it is. It's just not about me. I don't go around proclaiming that everything that is ever going on has to have me in the center of it, but I do know that I have my hand in a lot of pots that I shouldn't be worrying about. The kid(s) that make my eye twitch? Maybe there is something going on at home that I don't know about and couldn't possibly imagine going through as a twelve year old. (I do believe that some of them just get immeasurable joy out of getting on my nerves...)

A friend of mine has been a great example of not letting stress and worry overrun your life. Instead of going into panic mode about a job situation, he is just not concerned about it. He knows that God is in control. He knows that he's covered. And I really believe because of that quiet witness of faith in an all-powerful God, my friend is going to be more than okay. God is at work and big things are happening. If he was worried and stressing about it, there is a possibility that he might miss what God wants to entrust to him next. How cool is it that while reading this chapter, God has placed a living example right in front of my face to live out the lesson I need to learn. Worry less. Stress less. Stop the arrogance and the eye twitching and trust---ALWAYS.